John Fonte -- Why There Is A Culture War: Gramsci and Tocqueville in America

John Fonte -- Why There Is A Culture War: Gramsci and Tocqueville in America

Cultural Marxism

Cultural Marxism

Why do we fall out of love?

When we fall in love with someone our whole world seems somehow brighter, and as the songs say, the birds sing sweeter and the everything in the garden is rosy. We get all goose bumpy and can't wait to see that special someone, and really hate it when we are apart. We are somehow glued to each other, and it all seems wonderful and you want it to last forever. You hang on each others words, and have perhaps frequent and fulfilling sex. All of the above are seen as completely natural and so sought after that practically everyone wants this romantic and beautiful experience. If this is what love is supposed to be then why doesn't it last?, and when all these strong emotions have run their course what is left.? Some say that once romantic love subsides then true love really kicks in, and in a sense this is true. But why is it then that the divorce rate in most western countries has been rising steadily year on year?. Also if people were honest many of the marriages that do last are in a state of open or secret hostility, that stumble from one arguement to another. The man is on the golf course at weekends, or down at the pub, anywhere than were he should be. The woman resents this, and usually takes her frustrations out on the kids, or she like her man, leaves the kids with her mother, and takes herself off so spend time with her friends ,and they all swap stories about their selfish husbands. If they do spend quality time with the family many tensions rise, because mostly it is done out of duty and not real love. Couples that are at war with each other, are at war with themselves as well. All of this tension and secret hostility effects the children, and sets them on the path for their own troubled adult lives. Surley a happy marriage would mean that when not earning the essential income for the family, that the couple would want to spend every available minute with their loved ones? Why is it then, that romantic love doesn't last?

Are we really in control of ourselves?

Are we really in control of ourselves? This seems like a strange question i know, and most would answer, 'of course I am, who else could i be'? But if we look closer, and do a bit of self examination, then we might discover something about ourselves that we never knew. If anyone can make you angry, then what they are actually doing is controling you with your own anger. Whenever we use this strong emotion by reacting to the words, of actions of another, we are actually handing over control of ourselves to them. Or perhaps a better way to put it is, we are being 'tempted' by the words or actions to react to them, and this makes us angry. When this common emotional experience occurs, it really is yet another opportunity to grow in character, but whenever we 'lose it' and are out of control, then 'something' is in control of us. We then forget that we have 'failed' yet again to understand this, and use anger, which is an emotion that enables us to think that we perfectly justified in acting like this. and we will always excuse our wrong. When we are externally motivated people, we can only react in this way to any perceived slight, rudeness, and irritation, with the emotion of anger, and with each upset, big or small, we steadily become more and more aware of the imperfections of others, and less and less aware of our own, why do we need to live like this i wonder?

Why to the words and opinions of others hurt us?

If we were completely secure in ourselves, so much so that we had total and unshakable belief in what we knew, and who we were, then why would the opinions and harsh criticisms of others bother us? Why are we so insecure,and need to be supported by another emotionally? If we truely need something from another, and by this i mean anything that gives us a sense of completion and security, and if we rely on this, so that without it we would be somehow weakened, and feel vulnerable, or unloved, then how can we think that we are whole person ? All emotional support that we need from others, is a compensation for our lack of self belief. To really understand the meaning of what it means to have love, we cannot need emotional love from another. To give offer anything of worth, and lasting value, in a loving and deep sense, one has to be full, and whole. How can a pauper give of his riches, if he has not a penny to his name? It is the same with us, when we think that we love. But unless we come from a place within ourselves where love reigns, then what we give is nothing. We actually need from others, the very things that supports the illusion that we have self worth, we need ego support to continue in this backwards way of life. Once one understands this, life becomes so much easier.

Words really do hurt

That old rhyme that goes, sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me, is not quite true is it? One rude remark from our nearest and dearest, or the boss, or even a complete stranger, can affect our emotional state completely. We either blow up, and say something we later regret, or repress the rage and resentment , only for it to burst out later, usually on the children or some other subordinate. How is it then , that words can hit us all like a proverbial brick? Kind words, and praise also effect us emotionally, they can build us up, and give us the feeling of being wanted and appreciated. Our feelings good, or bad, are affected by the words of others, or the words that we speak to ourselves inside our own heads. We have all experienced the resentment that can go on for hours after someone upsets,or belittles us, especially in front of colleagues or friends. If we are unable to speak up to them, in the case of a intimidating boss, or some other authority, we suppress the anger, only to bring it to mind again and again, thinking to ourselves, that we should have said this, or did that. Perhaps we should have told them where they can stick the job, or even punched them, or perhaps worse. Words can certainly hurt, and destroy trust and lives for some. Why is this i wonder?

What does our real happiness rely on?

If we have everything to make us happy, and obviously this means different things to different people. In my first blog i illustrated some things that might make us happy,and give one a sense of fulfilment and purpose. I also illustrated some reasons why we might feel unhappy and unfulfilled, even perhaps lonely and depressed. I think the point is that all the people,places and things that our happiness relies upon can at any point be taken away, or radically altered. It happens ever day, when tragedy strikes in the form of a bereavement, or being told that someone you love dearly has a life threatening illness, perhaps it is you who have this illness. Your partner wants to leave, or you want to end your marriage, or relationship. Maybe you have fallen in love with someone who fulfils a part of you that you thought had die. But you have a couple of children, and weigh up all the pros and cons of this complex situation. Life it seems is full of decisions and choices, nothing it seems is black and white, if it was then how much easier every choice we make would be. If only true happiness was to be found in an attitude of mind, rather than us being a hostage to whatever fate and circumstance seems to throw our way. This seems to be the conundrum of life I feel, how do we know when we are right?

Are we really happy?

Seems like a simple question really doesn't it..Are you really happy? If you are unhappy, then perhaps the reasons for this are simple for you to answer. Maybe a different partner would do it, or perhaps the same partner , but one that is more loving, and caring, you know all that you would most like in another. Or if you haven't got a special someone, or are divorced, or seperated, and you would like to meet someone to share your life with. Most of us feel that we have much to offer, if only we could find someone to share it all with. Maybe lots , or just enough money would make us happy. The list is exhaustive, but you get the general idea. Ok what if we feel that we are completely happy, then what does our happiness depend upon? The love of a good family, a succesful and fulfilling job perhaps. Enjoying good health, some close friends, maybe you are a person who likes to travel wide and far. Your passport is jam full of stamps from dozens of exotic holiday destinations. You have a nice house, a couple of cars, and the kids are at college. Or you live a more modest lifestyle, but never the less, pay your bills,and have the work ethic, so you feel proud of paying your way, and being self reliant. You do your job as a way of feeding the family. If you lost all or part of this, would you still be happy?